we have all been there, you think the person you have been talking and most importantly seeing loyally for a good while will eventually lead to something more. Only for it to make you wonder, where is this actually going? So you do the normal thing and bring up the conversation of “what are we” the killer of situationships. Now the average response you will discover will sound something like “I’m not ready for a relationship” or worse “I don’t feel the same way you do about me”. There’s many thoughts that go through our minds when we hear this usually along the lines of “what the fuck?” but maybe that’s just me. Unfortunately after the question of “what are we” is popped and neither parties agree on the situation, then it suddenly feels like a waste of time because of a lack of communication on what the other person wants at the talking stage. Sadly many people don’t have this conversation early on so many, many fail.
But what actually is a situationship? From my unfortunate huge experience, its literally a relationship just without the label of it. You wouldn’t post each other because its not official and technically speaking to other people is allowed because you don’t have the commitment label but many (including me) would still argue it as a form of disloyalty. To be official the words of “Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend” need to be said, however many people pussy out of this from a fear of rejection or messing things up when they are good.
My stance? Don’t get into something if you don’t feel ready or don’t click with them quickly. Either end it early on or do the decent thing and communicate! (something many people are afraid to do for no reason). communication saves time, worry, effort and something I personally struggled with -empathy burnout. Do you want to be the asshole who led someone on who actually wants something “serious” (though its not possible to have something serious when your a teenager) knowing that your unsure on them or do you want to have the decency of telling them early on -I mean first two weeks before an attachment begins- of I’m not ready yet.
Understandably so, maybe they aren’t your “person” or it just doesn’t work because of factors like being busy all the time – but in situations like that its common sense that it probably won’t work out, so instead of letting it die, just bravely bring up the conversation as soon as possible. Rather than continuing it on without saying a word to eachother and letting the mind wonder on “what’s going on”.
IT DOESNT NEED TO BE HARD
A lot of people suffer from being afraid of confrontation or rejection. The cure? Getting a grip. Avoiding awkward conversations leads to tension (especially if its been going on for a while) and to avoid that tension which will lead to an argument if not dealt with, you bring it up and talk it through -whether it leads to things ending or not.
- “Hey, I’ve noticed somethings up. can we talk about it…..”
- “I’m sorry but i wanted to tell you now rather than later…”
- “I don’t think we should talk anymore, I don’t….”
Yes, all cheesy. But maybe it will save you time and energy.
Overall, Situationships are a stupid concept. If you like someone, do something about it. If you don’t like someone, do something about it. Actions speak louder then words, however in this case the action involves words which contradicts the statement. If your ever in a situation where your unsure the only way of knowing is communication, talking to friends. But if your not bothered then I fear that’s your answer for you.
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